World Cup 2014

- Brazilian babies are so poor they have to eat footballs. 

Despite the controversial circumstances surrounding this year’s tournament, the 2014 World Cup is finally up and running and, footballing-wise, has thus far failed to disappoint. The Brazilian authorities have managed to keep the vast majority of Brazil’s impoverished underclass out of sight, and Blatter has resorted to keeping FIFA’s critics at bay by repeatedly branding any doubters as racist (an unscrupulous tactic none too dissimilar to Nick Clegg’s desperate efforts in the recent Euro elections). 

With one week gone, we have been treated to some exhilarating matches, some terrific goals, and some real surprises. The Spanish, who’d so effectively utilised the slow, tippy-tappy football made famous by Barcelona (or “Barca” as they’re known by the trendy Champions League nuggets), were among many a pundit’s top tips for the tournament, and their early exit will have raised a few eyebrows as well as a few smiles. Everyone likes to see a top seed go out, and their tedious style of play and regular diving won’t have won them many fans.

- Cheerio Spanners

There has also been the odd “controversial” incident, including the use of goal-line technology in the France v Honduras game. English audiences were left bamboozled at BBC’s Jonathan Pearce’s inability to understand the graphic depicting the goal-line result. Pearce was unable to differentiate between the initial shot rebounding off the post and the resulting deflection off the goalkeeper, leading his head to explode in confusion, exclaiming that the technology was proving controversial. Pearce was obviously slightly perplexed by the whole episode, but what was slightly controversial, was that the replays from the side of the goal showed that the whole of the ball did not completely cross the line. Whether this was due to the poor frame rate of the camera or an inaccurate angle, it does cast a slight shadow of doubt regarding the technology. When you consider that the apparently superior Hawkeye, which is used in the Premier League, has a margin of error of about 0.5cm, then it would not be unreasonable to doubt the call made by the technology used in the France game, which showed that the ball only crossed the line by the smallest of fractions. And if you consider that the Brazilians were unable to build any of their grounds and facilities on time, it wouldn’t be too surprising if that whilst they were busy painting grass, the goal-line equipment wasn’t installed correctly.

One welcome addition to the World cup however, has to be the use of the foam spray, preventing defensive walls slyly gaining an extra yard once the referee’s back is turned. It makes sense, and also livens up the game, sending Andy Townsend and co. into a state of delirium, “Here it is, the magic spray, it’s out, mint”. I expect to see it inEnglish grounds at some point in the near future, although I’m not too sure how it will fare in the pissing down rain, with gale force winds blowing foam into David Luiz’s hair.

Veiny leg gets his Gillette out

Disappointingly, the England team didn’t fail to deliver in failing to deliver, leaving the nation with a sense that the World Cup was over before it had every really got going. Less than a week after sticking Vindaloo, and Three Lions on the jukebox, whilst ordering a 9^th pre-match pint, England were out. Despite an encouraging performance against Italy, two defeats on the bounce isn’t good enough, and England were dumped out of the World Cup. Drunken optimism had some still very hopeful of qualification post-Uruguay, but a good performance from Costa Rica, a team deemed not good enough to be included in our local sweepstake, saw them defeat the Italians, and break English hearts.

However, it’s the unexpected nature of some of the results in this World Cup that has made it so interesting, providing an opportunity to still enjoy it, despite the bitter disappointment of England.